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Last Exit to Bronkhorstspruit


Written by André Meyer (Culling Song)

Posted in :Original Content on 25 Apr 2013 at 14:47
Tagged with : , , ,

Given that the standard of play dished up of late by the Sharks has been as enthralling as watching snails mate, it is rather understandable that both attendance figures at Kings Park, and television viewer numbers have rapidly dwindled.

For fear that this could translate into reduced readership at Sharksworld (and hence reduced ad revenue, and by implication, a downgrade from Dom Perignon to Moet Chandon for the site owners), I have been asked to contribute some non-rugby related articles to the site to help sustain public interest levels. Personally, I think it’s a rather bold and innovative approach; something akin to the old “divert your attention from your headache by breaking your finger” strategy.

So anyways, here we all are. Hi. I’m Culling Song. To paraphrase one of our newest members, I’m a bog standard blogger with not much to offer. I drink a lot of whisky. I listen to a lot of music. I lay no claim to being particularly knowledgeable or insightful about either, but years of management experience has taught me that it need not be an impediment to being opinionated. At least you know what to expect from me; forewarned is forearmed and all that jazz. Welcome to my first column.

Vol 1: Soundtracks From a Road to Nowhere

As you may have gathered from the title of the article, I live in Bronkhorstspruit. Every day I drive almost 60 km to my work in Witbank, which is infinitely preferable to the alternative – living in Witbank, a city which exists only because the earth is a celestial body, and for a body to function it must necessarily have an a***hole. But back to the topic at hand, my commute. 120 km a day allows me a lot of uninterrupted time to listen to music.  Given my complete and utter lack of anything meaningful to say on this forum, I have decided to document what I have listened to the last week in the car and post it here for your dissemination. It’s not necessarily better than what you listen to (unless you listen to Beyonce, in which case you should turn back now, or abandon all hope afore ye enter), but it might be different, and could lead you to some new roads not yet travelled. Use it, don’t use it, as the kids say.

Friday:

Bill Callahan: Woke on a Whale Heart: The world is too full of musicians trading under the noxious “singer-songwriter” tag. Bill Callahan though is a genius of the highest order. Given a guitar with two strings and a palette of 3 notes and 4 single-syllable words he’ll write and perform a whole album full of richly textured and delicately nuanced songs. On …Whale Heart he has a whole lot more at his disposal though, and the results are lush, elegant and elegiac.

The Jesus Lizard: Nub (from Goat): I can’t believe how much I love this song. Actually, I can’t believe I love this song. Sure, Duane Denison is one of indie rock’s most gifted guitarists, able to instantly and seamlessly switch from caustic aggression to loping reverie, and sure, Mac McNeilly and David W Sims make up a rhythm section so metronomic you could use them to calibrate atomic clocks, but David Yow’s vocals are…er… well, he kind of sounds like a fat Elvis on crack, mouth full of deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, having an epileptic fit and falling down a staircase. It’s horrible. It’s horrific. It’s lacking any semblance of musicality. So I listened to it six times. It’s wonderful.

Lily Allen: It’s Not Me, It’s You: Weekend! Time for my favourite pop confectionary.

Monday:

Godspeed You! Black Emperor: Allelujah! Don’t Bend! Ascend!: I downloaded (from iTunes, in case anyone was wondering) this over the weekend. The first new album of GYBE’s particular brand of darkly cathartic, sweeping, post-apocalyptic instrumental forays in ten years, it was worth the wait. I just hope I don’t get banished to Hades for listening to this on mp3 (so if you guys want to have a whip around and buy me a turntable, the Project 6 Perspex will do very nicely, hint-hint); at least Godspeed will provide an appropriate soundtrack…

Tuesday:

GYBE again. I suspect this will stay on heavy rotation for a while to come.

Wednesday:

Pig Destroyer: Phantom Limb: Faced with the prospect of a day given over to disciplinary hearings, I needed something suitably aggressive for the drive to work. Pig Destroyer (arguably *the* flagship grindcore band, which is to heavy metal what a nuclear intercontinental ballistic missile is to an American civil war musket) hit the spot. Repeatedly. With a machete. Soaked in blood.

Beach Boys: Pet Sounds: It is generally accepted that the universe is in a state of constant decay as matter attempts to revert to a state of the the lowest possible energy level. There is a conflicting philosophy among certain fringes of the population that the universe is in the process of constant evolution with the aim of producing one perfect thing, and that when that is achieved all of creation will cease to exist. Had that been true, the Beach Boys would surely have brought our time on earth to an end when they wrote God Only Knows. Sublime.

Thursday:

More GYBE. Or rather, more GYBE!!!

‘Till next time, greetings from the Bronks.



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